A Muslim Malaysian doctor, trying hard to comprehend the beautiful plans Allah has in offer for him
Itu yang tertulis di bahagian 'about me' di blog beliau. Eh? Muslim Malaysian? Melayukah dia? Aku tertanya-tanya. Sebuah blog yang ditulis dalam bahasa Inggeris benar-benar menarik perhatianku. Lantas aku membaca setiap entri blog itu untuk mengetahui apakah bangsa pemilik blog ini. Aku membaca entri demi entri blog tersebut. Sayu sahaja gaya bahasanya atau aku yang sayu?
Gambar raya bertarikh 21 November 2010 yang terpampang di salah satu entri blog itu menjawab persoalanku. Pemilik blog itu berbangsa Melayu dan beragama Islam. Gambar itu ku tatap hiba. Entah mengapa air mataku menitis saat aku menatap gambar itu. Gambar raya yang biasa, diambil oleh insan biasa tetapi mampu memberikan seribu pengertian yang luar biasa.
Aku membaca setiap entri blog itu. Dan aku mula memahami jalan cerita blog tersebut. Rupanya pemilik blog itulah penulis dan dia jugalah pelakonnya. Aku mula memahami kisah hidup pemilik blog tersebut. Aku selak lagi entri-entri yang lain dan aku dapati adanya semacam kekuatan di dalam setiap nukilannya. Ia bukan nukilan biasa. Ya, aku pasti! Ia bukan nukilan biasa. Ia merupakan sebuah nukilan yang sarat dengan kekuatan seolah-olah si penulis sedang berjuang di medan perang. Kekuatan itu mampu menghidupkan kembali semangat yang mati. Wallahi, apa aku perkatakan ini benar.
Isi kandungan blog itu cukup sayu. Mampu menitiskan air mata sesiapa sahaja yang membacanya. Ya! Inilah blog yang paling menghibakan dan penuh motivasi yang pernah aku baca setakat ini. Tidak seperti blog lain yang hanya tahu menulis kisah cinta cintun langsung tidak bermanfaat. Bersyukurnya aku kerana dipertemukan dengan blog ini. Terima kasih Allah.
Melalui pembacaan aku di blognya, aku medapat tahu si pemilik blog ini menghidap kanser. Aku terkedu seketika, tidak menyangka insan ini sedang berjuang melawan penyakitnya.
Entri terakhir blog ini ialah 8 November 2010. Aku tertunggu-tunggu untuk update seterusnya. Hingga kini, 14 Disember 2010, blog itu masih lagi di takuk yang sama. Sunyi sepi tanpa sebarang entri terbaru. Aku mengharapkan akan adanya update terbaru darinya. Semoga diberi kesihatan yang berpanjangan.
18 Disember 2010, aku mendapat berita dari seorang rakan mengatakan pemilik blog yang seringku baca itu sudah pun kembali ke rahmatullah. Aku begitu terkejut dengan berita tersebut. Lantas aku bergegas ke bilik dan membuka blog tersebut. Mataku mula bergenang bila teringatkan kata-kata rakanku sebentar tadi.
"Ya Allah, janganlah berita ni benar,"doaku perlahan. Aku benar-benar berharap yang berita yang baru ku terima sebentar tadi hanyalah khabar angin semata-mata. Namun, kebenaran itu tetap kebenaran walau bagaimana kita cuba menafikannya. Komen ibu kepada pemilik blog tersebut mengesahkan pemergiannya ke rahmatullah. Aku menangis tersesak-esak setelah membaca komen ibunya:
Assalamualaikum,
Mas Afzal passed away at 2.24am, 18th December, 2010. His papa, brother Andi, sisters Aiysha n Atiqah,uncle Shahrir n me were with him till he breathed his last. He was intubated and n in an induced coma from about 1pm the day earlier because he was having difficulty breathing n his Blood Pressue was getting very low.
Since he was admitted to the Ampang Hospital on December 2nd, he did not get any good night's sleep. Now, he can rest and wait for me n all of us to join him.
I thank Allah for letting me borrow him for the last 26 years. I am also thankful that Allah has given me n my family the opportunity to take care of him while he was in hospital.
Many of his friends visited him in hospital n he could recognise them all, even during the times when he was in a confused n sometimes delirious state because of the infection he suffered n the pure oxygen he was given.
He told me to make sure to wake him up if any of his friends came to visit. "I want to acknowlege their presence", he said. Actually I was surprised he could recognise all his friends who came despite the fact that he sometimes forgot that he was in hospital. At the end of visiting hours, I would ask him about his friends who came and he would describe to me who those friends are, what they were studying, how they met, what activities they have done together n so on. I could see he loved all his friends a lot.
I would always test him to see his state of mind by asking who I am..."Mama", he would always answer. Afzal did not sleep at all the whole night on Thursday and was either reciting versus from the Quran, performing prayers or doing the zikr thoughout the night.I think he was trying to sort things out in his head n said whatever came to mind n since Quran versus were always close to his heart, those versus were among the things he blurted out. I was tired just looking at him but helpless to do anything, other than hold his hand, massage his back n stood by his side n by the graces of Allah, I did not feel sleepy at all thoughout that night. By morning he was exhausted and all my efforts to make him stop n rest failed. The last hour before he was intubated, I kept testing him to see if he is still able to recognise me. Three times I asked him who I was. He would stop his blabbering and say "Mama".
N now, part of me is happy for him because he is no longer suffering but a larger part of me is missing him so much. My baby is no longer with me. I am no longer able to take care of him for he is now under a more capable carer.
I will always have the beautiful memories with Afzal, the moments together that only the two of us share...always.....Mama Afzal.
P/S Thank you all Afzal's friends who visited him in hospital or came to Bentong for his funeral. We decided to bury him in Bentong because that's where he was born n we chose a site right next to my mother, his grandmother to whom he was very close.
Aku terkesima, aku terkelu, aku terkedu dengan berita ini. Wallahi!
Malam itu, air mata menjadi peneman saat Yassin dan tahlil arwah dibacakan.
Kepada kaum kerabat Allahyarham, saya ucapkan takziah atas pemergiannya. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Allahyarham. Ameen.
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| Allahyarham bersama ibunya |
Nota: Kepada pembaca, ambillah semangat dan kekuatan beliau dalam setiap nukilannya di blog beliau. Jadikannya sebagai api yang membakar semangat untuk terus berjuang.
Ikuti kisah perjuangannya dalam menghadapi penyakitnya di SINI.
*Watak 'aku' dalam kisah di atas ialah rekaan penulis dan tidak ada kena mengena dengan diri penulis. Penulis sengaja menggunakan kata ganti nama pertama bertujuan untuk memudahkan jalan penceritaan.
* Pemilik blog dalam kisah di atas ialah Allahyarham Mas Afzal Nasaruddin, seorang pelajar (kini bergelar doktor) yang disahkan menghidap penyakit Hodgins Lymphoma (sejenis kanser darah) pada awal Disember 2008 yang juga merupakan tahun akhir pengajiannya dalam bidang perubatan di Universiti of Sheffield, United Kingdom.Beliau menjalani rawatan chemotherapy sebanyak 12 kali, pada kekerapan 2 minggu sekali, untuk tempoh 6 bulan.
* Pada jam 2.24 pagi tanggal 18 Disember 2010, beliau akhirnya menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir di sisi keluarga terdekatnya.
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